I don’t like how the munch is being run.

November 19, 2010 by

Dear BDSM Bad Advice,

I recently started going to munches with a male friend of mine. However, based on my experience at my first munch last week, I think that the hosts of the munch are doing it all wrong and I think I would do a better job. Also, my friend is being mentored by one of the munch leaders and I don’t like her. I feel that my weekend experience as a slave and my involvement in the furry community have made me more knowledgeable and that I should be given more respect as a 19 year old Mistress. What is the best way for me to go about taking over the hostess position at this munch and how should I exert my power as a Mistress over my male friend and other lesser people in the community?

Thanks for your help,
Mistress C

Read BDSM Bad Advice’s answer at BDSMBadAdvice.com.

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BDSMBadAdvice: How should I act at my first play party?

November 13, 2010 by

Dear BDSM Bad Advice,

I’m a bisexual woman and I just turned 18 last week. I think I’ve always been interested in BDSM. I started reading kinky stories online when I was 13 and started playing on Second Life a couple of years later. I’m curious about almost everything but I think I’m more of a submissive.

Now that I’m of legal age, I want to go to my first play party next weekend. There’s a dungeon about an hour away from where I live and their website says there are parties every weekend. I’m really excited but I don’t know what to expect or what to do. I don’t want to drive all that way, pay to get in and not get to play. Or even worse, embarrass myself and not be able to ever go back.

Please tell me what to do so I can have fun and make a good impression.

Nervous Noob

Dear Nervous Noob,

Between your young age and inexperience, you may encounter people who disrespect you or assume you can’t really know what you want. So I recommend that you lie about both. Tell everyone you meet that you’re 36 and that you’ve had a lot of Botox treatments. Since you’ve had five years of reading kinky smut and three years of online roleplay, tell them you have eight years in the scene. When they ask why they’ve never seen you before, just say you moved there from another city.

You’ll have to back up your claims with a bold demonstration of your knowledge. Grab a top’s singletail out of their hand during a scene and just start wailing on their bottom. It won’t matter if you’re no good at it. Just tell them that it’s just an Old Guard technique they’re unfamiliar with. Everyone in the scene has such reverence for everything Old Guard that they will believe you.

Everyone will be so impressed that you’ll have your pick of play partners, both tops and bottoms. When you approach a top, remember they will not respect anyone who has limits. Insist that you have none and that you never use a safeword. Also, all tops are Doms. As an uncollared submissive, you are automatically in service to every top/Dom at the party. So when you approach them, grovel at their feet and call them Master or Mistress. They will appreciate your directness.

Follow this advice and you are sure to make an impression that will not be soon forgotten!

Jonathan Byrel Moore is a collared boy and switch in the San Francisco Bay area. Though he is dangerously unqualified to dispense advice on BDSM, kink, Leather, or any other topic, he enjoys giving it anyway. When he isn’t busy being a bad influence at dungeon parties, he drops little brown pellets of wisdom via Twitter, Facebook and FetLife.

Jonathan’s new BDSM Bad Advice webcomic with artist Chris Kelsey has just debuted at BDSMBadAdvice.com! Check it out!

Have a question you’d like to ask BDSMBadAdvice? Send an e-mail to BDSMBadAdvice@gmail.com.

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BDSMBadAdvice: Where are the submissive boys?

October 2, 2010 by

Dear BDSMBadAdvice,

I am a gay Leatherman living in a large city. After years of identifying as a boy, I have begun exploring my Daddy side in the last year. I’m fairly attractive, in pretty good shape, college-educated, self-employed and active in my city’s Leather community. I don’t seem to have a problem attracting young men; it’s more that the men I attract aren’t exactly what I seek. A lot of young guys are excited by the idea of having a Leather Daddy, but aren’t interested in service or kinky sex.

What am I doing wrong, BDSMBadAdvice? Where are all the boys who want to serve a Daddy who will beat them and fuck them roughly?

Aspiring Daddy

Dear Aspiring Daddy,

I can see why you’re having trouble finding what you want. Real submissives and masochists find nothing less attractive than a lean, handsome man in leather who wants to use them for his pleasure. Quit the gym, gain about fifty pounds and neglect your grooming and hygiene. Instead of leather, wear a sequined figure skating costume when you go out. I guarantee that young, submissive boys will trample their own grandmothers to wear your collar.

Integrity and experience are essential qualities for a Leather Daddy, so you should lie to give yourself the appearance of having them. Tell boys that you’ve been a Daddy for twenty years and that you trained in a European Old Guard Leather house. Tell them that Mr. Benson was your mentor. This works best if you only communicate with them online. The lies are more believable if there are no other Leathermen around to refute your claims.

Speaking of the internet, all your online profiles should be poorly spelled, typed in all caps and lacking punctuation. This shows boys you are extremely Dominate.

Show your confidence by making outrageous demands on prospective boys. Tell them they aren’t real subs if they question your directives. Demand that they let you fuck them bareback without knowing your HIV status. In fact, get angry if they ask you anything about yourself. True subs should submit unconditionally without knowing to whom they are submitting.

In other words, since seeking a boy honestly and honorably clearly isn’t working, try dishonesty and dishonor instead. You’ll have a dozen boys within a week. Online, anyway.

Jonathan Byrel Moore is a collared boy and switch in the San Francisco Bay area. Though he is dangerously unqualified to dispense advice on BDSM, kink, Leather, or any other topic, he enjoys giving it anyway. When he isn’t busy being a bad influence at dungeon parties, he drops little brown pellets of wisdom via Twitter, Facebook and FetLife.

Have a question you’d like to ask BDSMBadAdvice? Send an e-mail to BDSMBadAdvice@gmail.com.

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