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WeWhipAss.com is a totally unique global networking site for the fetish and BDSM community.

Along with the usual social networking features that include personalised profiles with photo and video galleries, blogs, video chat, events and more, the truly unique feature on WeWhipAss.com is the online store. [Read more...]

Collars, a question of faith? Opinion piece by Cynth Icorn

Over the past few years, outward displays of faith have been a hot topic, but now the debate has taken a route which makes it more relevant than ever to fetishists. A midwife in Bedford has been dismissed from work for wearing an emblem of her beliefs, her silver slave collar. (See Article) She has taken the matter to the courts because she believes that this is a discriminatory act. North and East Herts Health Authority refuted this claim, stating that the issue was purely a matter of health and safety. The midwife then stood her ground, referring to the allowances made for others to wear symbols of more traditional belief e.g crucifix necklaces.

The slave collar is a symbol of submission and commitment within a consensual Dominant/ submissive relationship. The exact way in which a D/s relationship works may differ from couple to couple, but can involve rules and codes of behaviour and will always involve a power exchange to different degrees.

The core of the issue is based around whether the law feels it safe to recognise consensual slavery and the Dominant/submissive lifestyle in court. This, as all fetishists know, would be a huge step away from the discrimination put upon fetishists continually considering instances such as The Spanner Case and The Extreme Pornography Legislation. Fetishism is continually promoted as an aesthetic in music videos, runway collections and photo shoots but, as soon as it is more than just dress up and titillation, the tide turns and fetishists are seen in an extremely negative light -with the eyes of a voyeur at a freak show.

There is a continuing battle within society between the allure of fetish and moral disgust. Because of this, we are cowed by vague laws which, if they apply to our activities could lead to heavy sentencing as well as professional and social exile. So many fetishists must be careful to hide their lifestyle from outsiders because of such fears. One famous example is the model Bianca Beauchamp. When she started out she was also a primary school teacher – the school found her modelling site and she was told to choose between fetish modelling or teaching. I am sure we all know this is not a rare occurrence and most likely can name people we know who have been in similar situations. Surely we are a society of stable enough minds to understand that, just because a person is of a certain persuasion – be it a religious, sexual or lifestyle based – they are not necessarily a threat to others. Beliefs are not contagious; with open mindedness, education and confidence in oneself people are able to understand each other’s beliefs without feeling the need to surrender to them.

Of course, within this case there is the fear of condoning dysfunctional behaviour which may be oppressive and possibly harmful. I understand that it can be hard to convey to those outside the lifestyle that D/s can be natural for certain people and that, if these people are forced to function in a ‘normal’ relationship, this may be more damaging than allowing them to act in the way which feels right to them.

A comprehensive explanation of D/s relationships and fetishistic lifestyles would be needed to aid the courts and the general populous in understanding that, although these dynamics may appear strange and even unsettling, they are entirely harmless if done safely and consensually. But I feel they must be shown the existence of fetishism outside of sex for many people, demonstrating the importance of fetish as far more than simply a primal sexual urge – being at times a way of loving, living and experiencing.

Consider someone who enjoys pleasing others, or one who feels comfortable giving direction. These are not character faults, unless taken to the extreme. Within D/s relationships, these people balance each other and are enabled to work harmoniously together as a unit. Also think of tribal rituals which have long used pain, sensory deprivation and other tests of will power to enhance or enlighten the participants, whether as a form of teaching or as a way of experiencing something greater. A fetishist is not unlike these devotees, opening themselves to a fuller spectrum of feeling encompassing controlled experiences of pain, fear and vulnerability. Pushing themselves psychologically to mindsets alien to the most of society, not unlike monks, shamans and pychonaughts. If these people can be considered sane and safe, then surely it is the assumed deviant and sexual edge always associated with fetishists which causes our dilemma and, if this is removed, the way can be cleared for fetishistic freedom.

Cynth Icorn

Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

Loving Dominant 001

John and Libby are a couple that knows just how colourful the BDSM scene is, with its wide range of things to choose from depending on you and your partner’s tastes, cleverly likening it to a very liberal Chinese Restaurant. “You can take as many, or as few, items as you want from Column A, B, and so on.”

Because it seems that, over the years, media and society have managed to confuse BDSM with cruelty and undesired maltreatment, John and Libby seek to re-teach the population with this sexual self-help tour de force. I

t is the perfect beginner’s guide and manual to the how-to’s of forming and establishing a loving, safe and consensual DS relationship, with the detailed down-lows on everything from basic bondage ties, finding toys in the vanilla world, performing successful fantasy scenes, to how to win over your other vanilla half, filming your kinky escapades, establishing contracts of submission, and precautions and first aid for your play.

Its emphasis isn’t only on getting started in the physical sense, but also touches on the psychological aspects of your play and ‘the scene’; an aspect often ignored in other books, but which is probably the most important. They take it very seriously, and sometimes treat BDSM much like a course on the curriculum, going as far as to include workbook-like sections with diagrammed kinky D.I.Y. projects to try, not to mention a wealth of suggested reading and resources specific to each topic as you go along. It’s ceaselessly knowledgeable and no doubt retains its status, through each new and updated edition, as the curious and responsible couple’s bedside companion.

The Loving Dominant
(third edition)
by John and Libby Warren
Published by Greenery Press www.greenerypress.com
£10.99

Miss Makeover: “My boyfriend’s like that. It’s almost impossible to make him come.”

FOXY BOXING

Have you ever tried to elicit sympathy for a badly sprained wrist? If you have you’ll know that you won’t get any. There’ll much ribaldry from so-called friends. “My boyfriend’s like that. It’s almost impossible to make him come.” “You lost your vibrator.” “Run out of batteries?” and on. And on. Perhaps you have fewer sex industry/ amateur trollop friends.
Don’t whatever you do mention that it received a further painful jolting during a bitch fight – which is when everyone’s eyes light up and they demand details. Forget about ‘poor you! how dreadful. There, there,’ or a consoling hug. (Cue Kramer) Catfight! Catfight! They want to know about black girls fighting and I suppose you do too.
Just as I had got used to the new world order – piercing agony every time something stressed the bruised tendons – I was given a further jolt aboard a London bus. Herded off the tube in Camden and onto a crowded substitute bus it soon became apparent that I was going to get an exciting lesson in how the new woman behaves. She’s vibrant, sassy, ‘feisty’ (needlessly aggressive, pointlessly rude.). Apparently the Japanese are extra quiet and polite because of being crowded together. We do things differently in London.
The dispute was probably because of a collision on a crowded, cramped bus. It was made much worse by the aggressor being a short fat coal-black diesel dyke and the innocent party being tall, thin and light skinned. I was already pissed off because of ten minutes of pugilistic foreplay, (they were right behind me). Then I got off at the same time as the squat, stumpy one. As we approached the stop, the taller one threw fried food in a bag at her tormentor – which missed and hit someone polite and quiet. A short comedy fight then broke out, flailing arms, bloodcurdling threats, no punches landed. As one was fat and the other thin this could well have been a homage to Laurel and Hardy.
During this, the dumber, ruder one grabbed my sore wrist – badly bruised during some late night dancing. Later on, I told whoever would listen about my ordeal but no one cared. They were more interested in the dueling doxies. You just can’t beat boxing bitches – preferably in a bath of whitewash or custard. Well, wrestling women may be a close relation to love-making lesbians – as pointed out on Seinfeld – but it’s no fun for the ringside spectators. Not in real life anyway. It did give me more excuses to dance with Lady K, its unique painkilling properties being most efficacious and I suppose I could snare some clients interested in bandaged women. The Japanese like that sort of thing. Maybe I should check Tokyo out…

The Wrong Trousers

I’ve recently been attending perhaps too many fetish nights. It’s a real commitment, especially forking out for new outfits or travel when you’re doing it free. At a club in the country a few weeks back I was accosted by scene stalwart who informed me that I was outrageous for coming in black ‘fabric’ trousers. My excuse note goes to him and this blog: ‘Dear Sir, My catsuit is up the spout right now and its too hot to wear it anyway. My rubber strides are ripped in a secret place. I haven’t got round to maintenance.’

I was wearing a black rubber t-shirt and long boots with the trousers rolled up – a goth Captain Kirk look, if you must. But this was not enough. Nor could I hold the moral high ground and point out twenty people who were also not in full fetish regalia.  I could even name names, scene regulars with their own websites. Zippy goth combats anyone? (I got thrown out TG dressed like that once).

Added to this confusion was the fact that it was a theme night and for a lot of outfits, actual fetish or the flavour of BDSM, was in camouflage.

Do people have a pixie fetish? I’m not convinced. I’m not defending my wrong trousers, but lets discuss this for a bit, because I believe it reflects the whole scene at the moment.  This is an ongoing debate on Planet Perve, so your comments below are highly valued. For now my thoughts continue… [Read more...]

Facilitating Fetish: Social Networking for Perves

In the wake of Facebook privacy debates it seems that social media has become hot topic number one. Considering that more people ‘facebook’ (vb.) than ‘google’ these days and that the population of the former is exceeded only by China and India, it’s not surprising. Nor is it going to go away. [Read more...]

Affordable Leather: Quality Bondage Gear

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Affordable Leather, based in Portsmouth, have been living up to their name since 1993, supplying sensibly priced leather bondage and BDSM gear to many thousands of customers. [Read more...]

Female Domination Films

Mistress Alexandra Femdom Films

The website for lovers of dominant women is FemDomFilms.com. They have recently upgraded their site with new content – and also made it a membership site. This means you can now download and keep all their films for a price you would previously have paid for just two of them! [Read more...]

Ask Patrick: Not cut out to start at the bottom

Dear Patrick, I am very sure that I am a top. The other side of BDSM holds no erotic charge for me at all. But I keep reading (and being told) that the best way to learn how to be a top is to bottom. Frankly, such a thing would be repulsive to me. How can performing an act that I cannot enjoy going to teach me how to be a skilled top? I am an intelligent person with a reasonable amount of empathy. Why can’t I simply talk to the person I am playing with or educate myself in other ways?–Zero Bottom Energy [Read more...]

Mark Ramsden – Unexpected Kink

Kink is twice as effective when happening unexpectedly in an everyday context. If I were Martin Amis or Will Self I would have used ‘quotidian’ there, but then they’re two halves of the same arse when it comes to pretentious prose. Which brings me to yesterday’s unexpected treat aboard a train. An attractive Oriental woman in a velvet dress had somehow managed to cover her bottom with crumbs that just weren’t going to shake off. So she stood, delectable derriere within nibbling distance, and proceeded to vigorously spank herself, shaking her booty to facilitate the cleansing process. Missus Lovett, my beautiful pussycat, geezerbirdbrain with an hour glass figure, not only doesn’t mind a healthy appreciation of such events she dug it herself, being bisexual. [Read more...]