The Fetish Question: Getting Over the Barrier with Politeness

I count myself lucky. But then it’s a luck that comes with many hours of practice, and you know what, as they say, every master was once a disaster. I’m lucky because in fetisexual terms I am more or less out of the closet, the closet full of latex and mad toys.

So most of my friends know what I get up to, even if they don’t know the specifics. For I certainly don’t put that or those in their faces, but I always game them a bit, turning it around if they start using lame jokes. Humour that they use as a shield that in my opinion keeps them ignorant, and thus apart from having the time of their lives. I keep a pseudonym simply out of etiquette, and it’s kind of like being Batman.

I am also lucky because I realised early on that life isn’t a rehearsal, and I’d rather spend time chasing dreams than being comfortable and ignorant. But getting what you dream of still takes hours of practice. Moreover it takes courage to answer your very own Fetish Question and the ability to say ‘This is who I am, take it or leave it’.

For many men it’s not easy, they feel compelled to get laid, and they don’t want to not get laid by adding more unconventional requests. For women it’s easier to deal with the acceptance part of the Fetish Question, most female newbies get inundated with emails on social network sites. And curiously I have been mostly inspired by fetish women.

Perhaps an answer to dealing with the Fetish Question is in the individuality expressed by many transgender situations: if you accept yourself and flaunt what you have, you are accepted, adored and successful because you write your own story.

Yes, you write your own story. My colleague 3xl has indeed written his own story. 3xL’s was a journey which started by outing himself from the latex closet to his girlfriend and risking her not accepting him. Then, once finding they were indeed incompatible, he still had the strength to still believe he would find his soulmate. Not only did he attend every fetish club going, he started his own website and mini-fetish empire.

He wrote his own story, literally.

Answering your own Fetish Question also comes down to being polite I think. An underrated term politeness, but it is a fair starting point. If you want to be tiresomely fascinating and revolutionary, yes, have fun with that. But we may all have to sell butter or car insurance at some point. In a vanilla situation politeness is key. By first politely accepting that this fetisexual is who you are then you will be able to let people know politely who you are if they ask, politely.

They really aren’t your friends if they recoil in horror. It’s not polite. And if they probe too far perhaps you should politely invite them to a club. The point is to widen that network and let people know who you are. Everyone knows someone. And not everyone is on Fetlife or Facebook.

Now I personally don’t worry about telling a prospective partner what I’m about. It saves time finding out they are not for me. Unless I can sense urges or intrigue, then I will take time to explore or guide. I remain, at all times, polite, and afterwards I am more resilient to being controlled or made to fit. We only have one life to write our life story.

You haven’t got time for fuckery in your soulmate search, because then when you enter the BDSM or fetish world you realise there are yet more onion layers of protocols, agendas, ignorance, control, wilfulness and games to sail your polite self right through the middle of. And that’s just all the good stuff! I hope this helps you in answering your Fetish Question.

Jackson Rocco: Using the Fetish Map Pt 1

Ok. So when you go shopping on a Sunday do check the shops are actually open. I guess my girlfriend Charley and I were dazzled by the enticing gloop of red dots on the top right of the Fetish Map, around the Holloway Road area of London. But calm down, before you get excited and make a fetish pilgrimage to North London, they do represent just three shops.

We arrived at Showgirls at Holloway Road North London and voila!: the shutters were down. Then it started to rain. Wet, we trundled off dejected and checked our soggy Fetish Map: Fettered Pleasures were just down the road. Damn, also shut. Next door House of Harlot. Aww no, feck, shut again.

What were these people doing that was more interesting than servicing Charley and mine’s debauched needs? Read more

The Wrong Trousers

I’ve recently been attending perhaps too many fetish nights. It’s a real commitment, especially forking out for new outfits or travel when you’re doing it free. At a club in the country a few weeks back I was accosted by scene stalwart who informed me that I was outrageous for coming in black ‘fabric’ trousers. My excuse note goes to him and this blog: ‘Dear Sir, My catsuit is up the spout right now and its too hot to wear it anyway. My rubber strides are ripped in a secret place. I haven’t got round to maintenance.’

I was wearing a black rubber t-shirt and long boots with the trousers rolled up – a goth Captain Kirk look, if you must. But this was not enough. Nor could I hold the moral high ground and point out twenty people who were also not in full fetish regalia.  I could even name names, scene regulars with their own websites. Zippy goth combats anyone? (I got thrown out TG dressed like that once).

Added to this confusion was the fact that it was a theme night and for a lot of outfits, actual fetish or the flavour of BDSM, was in camouflage.

Do people have a pixie fetish? I’m not convinced. I’m not defending my wrong trousers, but lets discuss this for a bit, because I believe it reflects the whole scene at the moment.  This is an ongoing debate on Planet Perve, so your comments below are highly valued. For now my thoughts continue… Read more

Rubber Rendezvous – London’s meeting place for rubberists and the rubber-curious

We’ve all fantasized about it haven’t we? ‘What!’ I hear you cry behind a muffled gag, ‘The same fantasy? Impossible!’

Well I’m messing with you a bit here because what I believe we all fantasize about is the perfect fetish event. You know the one: the music is eclectic, quiet in one room, loud in another, but never overbearing. A night where the drunk, desperate or ignorant never stray across your play space, where there are warm, roomy changing facilities, no queues for the coats or toilets and alcohol prices don’t send the stock markets crashing. Read more

Facilitating Fetish: Social Networking for Perves

In the wake of Facebook privacy debates it seems that social media has become hot topic number one. Considering that more people ‘facebook’ (vb.) than ‘google’ these days and that the population of the former is exceeded only by China and India, it’s not surprising. Nor is it going to go away. Read more

Jackson Rocco – The Truth About Cash and Kink

Golden Greetings and welcome to my blog. My social media brand is Jackson Rocco and I’m here to make an inordinate pile of cash out of you if you read this. Or am I? It’s obviously a pseudonym so am I actually here? I have to say even my real name is an abbreviation. Read more